Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Life is so strange

When I read posts of my batchmates I feel Life is so strange. Some of them keep writing about nostalgic feelins associated with leaving from Campus, and here I on the other side, wonder whether staying here for 1 more year was a good decision in the first place.

Past one year has been the one bringing all-round-experience and all kinds of thoughts in the mind. It was perhaps the first time when I was working alone on some project (I mean responsible alone), previously I had experience of being a major contributor in some project, being 50-50% responsible and being a minor contributor too. Taking the responsibility alone is an altogether different matter. I realized how important it is to have a team in almost any project. I felt lack of some one to discuss and suggest things, of course meeting proj guide sir was an option but that was only for getting suggestions, whenever I had some problem I myself had to find out the way. I had wondered previously what is the use of project partners which only share the credit but not the work, but I feel having a project partner is quite important and making him work is easier than working alone.

Next was the experience of What research is meant to be, I remember how excited I was during the April of last year regarding doing some R&D work, I don't remember the exact reason for the motivation, but the spirits were quite high. Infact I sat for CA internship on the grant that they will get us to do some R&D work. I was expecting a clear understanding of what-to-do-in-future after doing the internship for a month, when I will have to make a decision for MSbR or placements. But on the contrary even after 2 months of internship I was quite confused. I Was not happy with the kind of work done by us in CA (Not that it was simple or hard. It was not much challenging and interesting, though It took time), and that contributed as a major reason for my joining MSbR. I remember how Bapu too had some convincing arguments about doing PG here itself. [I am not gonna suggest any thing regarding that here]. Finally I took MSBR. As the time progressed I got quite bored with the project I was doing and this started taking my interest away from MS. By the Mid of semester 8, I have got interested in Coding, and also in contributing to some Open-Source project, I have had plans for making software/utils from I-don't-know-when, but they were building up as I was peeking in to some mailing lists etc. Now I feel the interest in them has gone too high. Also the plans to do something-of-my-own have always existed, as I got more and more dissatisfied with the available services/solutions etc and thought of making them better. So I stand confused as what to do.
Amal once discussed with me that he is also not interested in MSbR, I felt better that someone was in same position as I was, but now there is lot of difference, He has got in to Trilogy, India and I have no backup. The bigger issue is that even now I am not sure what to choose. I am just waiting for my Parents to come here and have a long discussion regarding the future options from here. I may just endup being here or may do something else, still not dicided.

The biggest thing I realized from all this is that lot of freedom and choice may some time lead to confussions. The good thing is that I never feel bad about whatever is happening though It might have led to tension in mind. I feel that all this just adds to my experience, I am not on the point where I will repent not having done something( I have tried the options). And more funny thing is that I have been enjoying my life along with work for path 4-5 months almost as much as someone can do. If now on I have to work hard for some reason I feel ready for that.


  1. as a been there,done that... just take the chill pill. dont think too much on things that have already taken place.

    just flow with them. and do whatever you can do.

    sounds easy while writing. but just the same, enjoy this uncertainity too, its rare that you get to think abt yr choices ;)

  2. somehow ppl come through so differently when the write...

    I would never have believed google if he would have to speak and say this to me ..but when he writes it...its just different